And so was the sea eternally breaking on the beach, incomplete as well, dismissing waves in a spread of incomprehensive white surf, coming and going without a reason, incompletely leaving the thoughts and ideas still inside the brain.
This was her state of mind as the sun was going down that afternoon. The sea had always been able to heal and sustain her, even in the darkest moments, but now all she could see was the same incompletion that she was carrying inside. The sun was not so warm, the breeze was not pleasant, a little too cold, the seagulls and albatrosses were weird and noisy. Simply, she felt she didn’t fit in any of that. Maine and its shore wasn’t a place, a destination, a style of life any more. Changing had always arrived like that for her, a rushing need, an urgent desperation of solving everything and everybody, even what later would appear solved and done. The problem always were the memories, which could not be erased with wite-out or backspace. Memories can’t be erased.
Sitting on the rocks above the beach, the multi-colored sky by the last rays of lights was breathtaking, but this was a painter’s feeling which also didn’t leave her after all of that. No, not now, she thought of her feeling of beauty. She couldn’t help that either, it invaded her spreading goose bumps on her arms.
Why such a duality, why see ugliness and beauty at the same time? Why be practical and problematic? The world is going on, precariously maybe, but still going on. Suffer less the stupid, the ignorant. Is there a way back to not to think or not to learn? Is there a way back on time? Say yes, please…
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